Knowing...

"Walkin' round in new shoes...

 
Lately I've been feeling like a certain season of my life is coming to an end...

Although I don't want it too, I knew it was going to happen.

I just wish I handled things differently and went with a better attitude.

I feel a compelling to go back, that time there isn't finished but I'd be lying to you if I told you I arrived with bells and whistles on. The truth would sound something more like,
"Kicking and screaming."

A month has passed and here I am again. Dancing in the "windmill garden."
But this time still trying to unveil mentally the real reason why I'm here.

I have spent countless hours praying and seeking the answer.
What this next season holds, I don't know.

Goodness, I wish I knew....

This whole growing up thing can be a drag sometimes...

Don't get me wrong my life in Texas has been nothing but a blessing in disguise. I have learned so much and according to some people,

I have grown up and in some ways I have seen that I've grown.

The question that lies deep down in my soul is this,

If this season of my life is over, will I be able to accept it?

If I was to answer that question right now, it would be no,

I am not ready to accept the fact that, that part of my life is done.

To me it sounds like it's done forever. I don't want it to be done.

I want to go back. I want to start over.

My parents have done nothing but support me, love me, care for me and what did I do??

I spent most of my time thinking that I was just a person that came off the Rez and is staying with two white people.

When in reality, I became their daughter, I became part of their family.

 A chosen family I love and adore, chosen parents who have done nothing but support me and cheer me on, the man I love, kiddos to watch unfold like a flower petal, a chosen family to learn and grow with, friends who have shown me the true meaning of friendship and a new pair of running shoes to break in.
A short list of all the things left behind. A life put on pause, for?
Still seeking a direct answer.

My parents thought it would be a good idea for me to come home for the summer.

When they or rather when my mom told me this "brilliant idea" I was more than upset.

I didn't want to come back because I knew,

I would be doing this much thinking. And if you know me pretty good, you know I don't handle thinking very well. I've come to the realization that what I have in Texas is what I was suppose to be doing at that moment.

This trip home has opened my eyes in more ways possible.

If there was a rewind in this movie of Life, I would use it.

This is where I'm at right now...

Whose to say if I succeeded in my plan or not. I really don't know who the judge of

that would be anyways. You, me, God?

Success isn't how we feel we did, it's how we can see how we have grown.

 What I do know though is this,
My steps are ordered. And though I may not be clear on all the reasons
why and how, there is a purpose for every situation I am put in.

And if I let the "ears of my ears" and the "eyes of my eyes" stay awake.

I am certain the answers and certitude I seek will make themselves known.
 

The Master Storyteller penned my last chapter before the first line...

gettin' ready to move..."

Glo